Ana Elrich

A blog about everything and nothing

Where is my heart?

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Lately I’ve been stuck in a rut. I’m not happy at where I am in life right now. I feel lost, I feel hopeless, I feel like I have lost all control, I feel like I have no motivation whatsoever to change my situation. I know what I need to do to change my situation, but that change wouldn’t necessarily be an improvement, wouldn’t put me in a place where I want to be in life. And that in turns makes me hesitant to change my situation.

You see, I could finish my thesis, graduate, find a job in that field. But my heart is just not in my study. Why I picked this study you might ask? Well, because for one I love to study and I love and value education a lot. But there weren’t a lot of studies to choose from. So I picked the one that I thought would interest me the most. And even though I noticed somewhere along the line that I didn’t like what I had chosen, I couldn’t just throw away all the effort, all the time, all the energy that I had put into it. And even if I had just quit, I still wouldn’t know what I did like to do. So it was just better to stick with my first choice.

But then I ran across this quote:

If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.

Where does my mind go when it wanders? What do I think about most of the time? Well, several things since I love to daydream. But if I had to choose one thing, I would have to pick history, and then specifically genealogy. I have studied my family tree extensively. I just love getting to know all those people whose DNA I carry and who have literally made me who I am today. I can spend hours and hours going through old birth certificates and old newspapers, I love vintage photographs, old jewelery. I love the smell of “oldness”, if that is even a word.

But reality is, that there is such a thing as reality. Nobody is going to pay me to inhale oldness and to become acquainted with my ancestors. Maybe I’m pessimistic, but I just can’t afford a total career switch right now. My best option still is to drag myself through a study that I don’t like, apply for a job that probably won’t fulfill me but that I will try and make the best of. And hope that my life won’t be mediocre.

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2 comments on “Where is my heart?

  1. jason
    March 26, 2014

    🙂 good heartfelt post! I feel the same way sometimes, and I look everywhere for inspiration.
    You know I learned that my career may define how much money I have, but in no way does it define my life. Our careers can be like money in the stock market… it just moves around, sometimes it’s invested in a good place, sometimes in a bad place, but it’s always moving.

    Like

    • anaelrich
      March 26, 2014

      Thank you for your kind words…! You’re right, our career does not define our life….:-)

      Like

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This entry was posted on February 8, 2014 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .
© Ana Elrich and anaelrich, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ana Elrich and anaelrich with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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